In an effort to monitor and, perhaps, outflank the school system in our area, I often schedule sessions with my 17 year old granddaughter, Bucket. I am particularly interested in what they are putting in her head regarding economics, government and philosophy.
It’s best not to tell her when I have scheduled one of these sessions or I might not ever see her again. For some reason, she likes hanging out with Grandma Bubbles, but when she sees me coming, she takes on this ghostly white complexion.
Not long ago I had a session scheduled and she happened to be chatting with Bubbles in the other room.
I called to her: “BUCKET!!!”
“Yes, oh great and wise Grandfather Mudgeon dear?” I could see she was fighting the impulse to roll her eyes back in her head. But the impulse was winning.
“The federal minimum wage is going up. Is that a good idea, or a bad idea?"
Sensing a trap, Bucket hesitated. Tentatively, she answered, “It’s a good idea?” Like most kids her age, everything ends sounding like a question. She was clearly feeling her way.
“Really,” I said. “Why is that?”
“Because I get more money.” That was a statement – no question there.
Once again I gave her the speech about her becoming an endangered species. Once again the eyes rolled.
“Okay,” I said, “suppose you make a whatsit and you sell it for $5.00. And suppose Grandma Bubbles also makes a whatsit, but her whatsit comes with a woozie – and it’s a doozie of a woozie. She sells her whatsit for $7.00.
“Now, there are plenty of people who don’t care about woozies so they are more than happy to buy your whatsit for $5.00. And many people like the woozie, so are happy to pay Grandma Bubbles the extra $2.00.
So now the government comes along and says you have to sell your whatsit for $7.00 – the same price as Grandma Bubbles’ whatsit, but hers comes with a nice woozie?”
“I’m going to have whatsits up the woo-woo because everyone will buy their whatsit from Grandma Bubbles because it costs the same and has more features.”
“EXACTAMONDO, my child. And why would anyone hire an inexperienced worker, if an experienced worker costs the same?” I asked.
“So, Bucket asked, “instead of getting more money, I might be out of work altogether?” Again with the questions.
“I know you download music every week to your iPod. How much do you spend?”
This was in Bucket’s wheelhouse: “Five songs, five bucks.”
“Fine, and how would you like it if the government said you now have to pay $7.00 for the same five songs?”
“That sucks!” Bucket is getting more graphic, the older she gets. “Where do they get off telling me how much I have to pay for something?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Where do they get off telling employers how much they have to pay for employees?”
“But, oh great and wise grandfather Mudgeon dear,” Bucket always throws that in when she’s getting frustrated, “They say on the TV that you can’t feed a family of four on the old minimum wage.”
“Bucket, you’re not supposed to be able to feed a family of four on any minimum wage. That’s just a starting point. After that you should train yourself to have the skills to be worth more to an employer. The more you are worth, the more you will earn. If you can’t afford a family of four, you shouldn’t have a family of four and expect everyone else to subsidize you for your incompetence.”
“Oh.”
“And what,” I asked, “Do you call someone with a family of four making minimum wage?”
“A loser?”
“Welcome back to the family, my child.”